When
the Dean family clan reunites to bury
their father, Christopher (John
Carradine), it's safe to say that
it took this death and the opportunity to
bury their domineering and overbearing (--
and, soon to be revealed, completely
psychotic --) father as the only
thing that would bring all these estranged
siblings back together. There is no love
lost here, but greed has brought them all
back to face each other one last
time.
After
the graveyard service concludes, where all
they did was stop just short of urinating
on the old man's grave, the ensemble
quickly reassembles at the ancestral
mansion for the reading of the will: eldest
son Gregory (Jeff
Morrow), and his wife, Laura (Merry
Anders); eldest daughter, Victoria (Faith
Domergue); younger son, Johnny (Richard
Davalos); and rounding out the
Deans is the youngest daughter, Leslie (Brooke
Mills), who is under the care of
her psychiatrist/boyfriend, or maybe
husband, Carl Isenburg (John Smith).
Once everyone is settled, via a recorded
will, the elder Dean speaks
from beyond the grave and chastises his
heirs for only bringing him shame and
humiliation. Then, with that preamble out
of the way, Christopher gets down to
business. First, he makes a stipulation
that one million dollars, each, be set
aside to pay the salaries of the hired
help for the continued upkeep of the
estate. This includes Igor (Buck
Cartalian), the butler, his wife,
Elga (Ivy Bethune), the
housekeeper, and Frank Mantee (John
Russell), the chauffer and
groundskeeper. Next, as all his children
exchange venomous glances at each other,
the deceased reveals the remaining
inheritance, some $136 million, will be
split among them equally. But! There's a
catch, and it's a big one: seems they all
must stay at the mansion and live together
for one whole week or forfeit their share.
And, if something should
"happen" -- like one of them,
say, dies!, the money will then be
split among those who are left standing at
the end of the week.
You
do the math. (Now where's that
axe?) And
despite several protests the family lawyer
assures them all that the will and all of
its stipulations
are uncontestable, meaning they're stuck,
and meaning the tyrannical Christopher
Dean gets to have his way and pull their
strings one last time. But, seriously, how
hard could it be? A week isn't that long;
no matter how much you dislike your
siblings. Especially for the kind of money
we're talking about, right? However.
When you factor in all the family
skeletons that are about to come
a-tumblin' out of the closet, the brewing
psychosis of our players (-- as
about half the people cooped up in the
house are stark-raving certifiable),
and the fact that everyone is already
conspiring, plotting, and playing one
against another, a week's stay might as
well be a year ... One week. That's all
they have to do for a sizeable chunk of
change. But by the time the first night
ends, come the dawn, only one of them will
be left alive...
Back
in 1971 producer Ben Rombouts wanted to
make a movie. But, like a lot of other
people who wanted to make a movie, he
lacked the proper financing. Then, fate
stepped in ... Involved in a horrible
auto-accident, Rombouts spent a lengthy
stay in a hospital recuperating in a full
body cast. But it paid off in the end
because, during his stay, Rombouts
convinced several of his doctors into
backing his film; a morbid murder mystery
in the mansion thriller called Blood
Legacy.
With
his financing secured, when pre-production
commenced the project was soon blessed
with an outstanding set piece: the Van
Valkenburg estate. Rombouts' movie was the
first to film inside this expansive,
Pasadena mansion, but it's the exterior of
the main house that might look a little
familiar to you. Yeah, it was used for the
establishing shots of stately Wayne Manor
in the old Batman
TV show. Unfortunately,
the set will prove to be the most
interesting part of the whole shittery. Rombouts
then turned the reins over to a director
whose only credit at the time was The
Acid Eaters,
and a screenwriter who wrote mainly
westerns for TV. And this noxious
concoction was already curdling before the
cameras even rolled. Don't believe me?
Read on...
As
the first day progresses into night there
are many, less than subtle hints that
something terribly icky happened between Johnny and Leslie when
they were kids. And if you're guessing
incest, you win a cookie. (Now get
your mind out of the gutter.) This explains why Carl insists that Leslie stay
secluded in her room, and far away from Johnny,
despite her insistence on seeing him. And
while Leslie is plagued/aroused by strange
and intimate dreams about her brother,
Johnny, still smitten after all these
years, tries to get a grip on this
unhealthy obsession, among other issues.
Doing his best William Shatner
impersonation he rants at a large portrait of his dead
father and flashes back to the past, where
things get
pretty surreal as Johnny recalls several
secret rendezvous with Leslie, only to be
ratted out by either Gregory or Victoria.
But no matter what the crime or who did
the deed, no one escaped Christopher's
wrath or punishment. Said punishment being forty
whacks with his wooden cane across the
backside. And then Johnny's delusions veer
into Felini territory when Gregory is about
to get his and Igor jumps on top of him,
taking the blows for him -- and Igor seems
to like it!
So,
while
Johnny raves on and on, and on,
andonandonandonandon, elsewhere, Igor
fondles that very cane.
When Elga tells him to throw the infernal
thing away, Igor adamantly refuses -- and even insists
that his wife routinely beat him with it
in the future. Wow. Moving on, down
in the game room -- with the highly
noticeable-n-ginormous aquarium that's teeming
with Piranha lurking in the background --
the flirty Victoria runs hot and cold with
pompous Carl and the even surlier Frank. Seeking any
advantage she can take, Victoria makes
both men, who can't read her signals
right, very confused. Then, things start to
turn from just plain sick to sinister when
Gregory and Laura's dog gets loose and
runs outside, where, after hearing a lethal yelp,
they find the animal, dead, floating in the
gold fish pond.
The
dog homicide brings a visit from the local
Sheriff (Rodolfo
Acosta). But when his search of the
grounds turns up nothing, having wasted
enough time on the kooky Dean family, and
probably wanting nothing else to do with
this movie, he leaves -- only to find the
road out blocked by another car. Getting out to
investigate, the
Sheriff promptly takes several axe
blows to the head from an unseen assailant
... Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Johnny's paranoia grows
deeper; Leslie's acting hasn't gotten any
better; Laura fingers whom she thinks
killed her dog; and Victoria and Carl
decide to raid the refrigerator, together,
and find some leftover ham wrapped in
tinfoil. And before you can say "Boy
that tinfoil ball looks about the same
size as a human head" they peel it
off, revealing, sure enough, the Sheriff's
dismembered head! After
this grisly discovery, a quick check finds
the phone dead and the distributor caps
removed from all the cars; combine it all
together and the resulting fear and
paranoia prevents anyone from being allowed
to go for help
until the light of morning, some eight
hours away.
Tension
mounts as we creep past the midnight hour,
and then the inheritance shares start to
grow substantially as the first family members
start biting the dust at the hands of our
mystery killer; namely Gregory and Laura,
who die in bed, electrocuted by a booby-trapped lamp. Suspicions
run rampant as Igor and Frank move the
bodies into the garage, and things kick up
a notch when Carl and Johnny finally come
to blows because, well, Johnny brags that
he had Leslie first.
And
you have no idea how disturbing it was
to type that statement, let alone watch
it on screen. Dude! That's your
sister!
After
everyone decides that the best course of action
is to retreat to their own, defendable corners in the large house,
Victoria leaves hers and sneaks into Frank's
room, where she marvels at the old lamp he made out of
the Nazi who tried to kill him back in the
war. (The skull is the base and the
skin is the lampshade.) Yeah, lot's of nice
folks in this house. Meantime, in
another corner of the house, Leslie tries
to tell Carl about the latest dream she's
had about Johnny; something about being
buried in a long, dark tunnel, but she can
hear Johnny coming through the rocks to
get at her. And I find it doubly
disturbing about how much this dream excites and
arouses Leslie (-- especially that
"coming" part. Gah.). With
that pathetic display, Carl can't takes no
more and leaves her alone, allowing Johnny
to sneak and *ahem* rekindle their relationship...
I
REPEAT.
DUDE!
THAT'S YOUR SISTER!
LADY!
THAT'S YOUR BROTHER!
STOP
THAT!
Alas,
the movie isn't listening. But! As the
siblings embrace and try to kiss this triggers another flashback
for Johnny, who remembers dear old Pop's
total freak out when
he caught them the first time. Overwhelmed
by this vision, Johnny
quickly retreats, screaming all the way,
and doesn't notice that a shadow holding an axe
is following him. Whoever's casting that
silhouette finally catches up to Johnny in
the game room near that big old tank of
man-eating fish ... Back
in the bedroom, the jilted Leslie hears
someone calling her name. Following the
beckoning voice down
into the game room, she enters and finds Johnny's
submerged corpse being consumed by the
piranha!
Leslie's
hysterical screams alerts the others, who follow her
panicked cries outside, where she fled. Too
late, though, as Leslie spies the killer
following her, who soon has her cornered near
the grotto. Then, a shot rings out, and if the
shooter was aiming for right between her
eyes, their aim was a little off -- but
effective enough. Carl
finds the body and the discarded revolver first
. Unwisely, he picks up the gun just in
time for the others to catch up and find him standing
over the corpse with the still smoking murder
weapon in his hand.
That's enough evidence for Frank, who
convinces the others that Carl is the
killer (-- even though there is no way
for Carl to benefit financially);
and the clincher is Johnny's now skeletal
remains in the aquarium. Obviously, Frank
insists, Carl
killed them both in a jealous rage.
Despite
all protests of innocence Carl is tied to chair
in the
cellar for safekeeping. And while Frank leaves to go and make a
lamp out of what's left of Johnny and
Leslie (-- okay, I made that last
part up), Victoria lingers behind
and starts to come around to his side when
Carl begs her
to lock the door so he won't be completely
helpless against the real killer. Later,
when Victoria pleads Carl's case with
Frank we
slowly realize she's the only Dean left
alive --
and did I forgot to mention if none
of the heirs make it all the money goes
to the hired help? Apparently, Frank and
Victoria used to have a thing back
in the day, too, but she wouldn't
consummate it because, well, he was just
the chauffer. Now, their romantic rekindling
is interrupted by several buzzing bees. Bees?
Really? Bees. Well, ya see, the killer --
who we now know can't be Victoria or
Frank, is busting a bee hive open inside
the cellar. Inside, Carl screams as the
bees attack, and by the time the others
arrive and break down the door Carl's face
is swollen and pockmarked with bee stings.
Lethal bee stings, I guess. Whatever. The
two survivors then spy another figure
fleeing into the shadows and chase him
into the wine cellar, where they finally
corner the killer.
So,
you're thinking to yourself, they caught Igor, right? Wrong. The man
they catch is none other than Christopher
Dean! Who -- not so
miraculously -- isn't quite as dead as
they thought. Apparently, according to the
raving old coot, they buried an
empty casket. Seems he knew it would take his funeral to bring
them all back together so he could put them out of
his misery en masse. None of them
were really his children, anyway, he
rants, and he admits to killing their
mother for these alleged infidelities.
But, before he can expound any further the
nearest wine rack, loaded with several
large barrels, teeters and then crashes
down on top of the trio, crushing them all
to death. And who did the pushing? Why Igor and Elga,
of course, who
had enough of all of them. (And I
probably would have helped them push if they'd
asked.)
Retiring to the
kitchen, Igor admits that he knew
Christopher was alive all along. Seems he had
made a deal with his cousin, the
undertaker, to do something to the
body before
they buried the old man. (And the
way he's looking at the wooden cane makes
me shudder as to think about what he was
probably going to do.) But
wait? you say. You said, come the dawn,
only one person survived the night. Yeah, well, all
that new found wealth went straight to
Igor's head so his wife took the liberty
of poisoning those cookies he's eating.
And
here you thought the butler finally did it.
The
End
Who
wrote this crap?
Well,
that would be Carl Munson and Eric Norden;
a tandem act that would flame out the next
year with the slightly more enjoyable, and
slightly pornographic, Little
Shop of Horrors
knock-off of, Please
Don't Eat My Mother.
Their inspiration for this film, however,
can be drawn from any number of country
cottage murder mysteries. And that's what
this whole movie comes across as: a bad
stage production of Agatha Christie's Ten
Little Indians
a/k/a And
Then There Were None
that's captured on film by the local High
School A/V club. In front of the camera,
though buoyed
by a cast of genre veterans -- Carradine,
Morrow, Anders and Domergue, who all struggle mightily to keep the
production anchored -- the whole thing is
eventually cast adrift by the wooden performances
of Smith and Russell, and taking on water with
Davalos' less than subtle performance,
before being completely scuttled by the
embarrassing attempts at acting put on by
Brook Mills. Seriously. She is something to truly
behold. And if I could go back in time and
offer one piece of friendly advice to Ms.
Mills -- Stop acting with your tits!
According
to an interview with Anders in Tom
Weaver's Double
Feature Creature Attack,
she states that the cast got together and
rehearsed the film like a play for six
weeks before the cameras rolled. Now, you
might immediately think that they didn't
rehearse enough but I believe the opposite
is true. I think the whole production
seems over-rehearsed, and what's caught on
film looks like the 645th run through.
Everything seems stale, tired and
stagnant. So the bad -- and now boring --
dialogue is rushed while the actors
overcompensate for this by over-emoting
those lines and it totally backfires and
blows up in their faces.
As
a point of fact: Legacy
of Blood
was the original inspiration for Bad
Blood Month.
I had envisioned a cadre of films with
twisted family issues that were usually
punctuated with murder and mayhem. Now that's
good therapy, am I right? Somehow I veered off course,
though, and focused mainly on the gruesome
aspects of the collected films. But in my
defense that's mostly due to the fact that
this was the only front where these films delivered the
goods. Legacy
of Blood
pulls this off, too, especially that scene
with Johnny's body in the aquarium where the
fish are nibbling on his head, making this
film another stepping stone from the old
school spooks to the grisly and graphic
shocks of modern horror films. We're
starting to linger a little longer while
looking at the deadly carnage, and the
reasons behind it are getting a little
more twisted.
And
you can't get much more twisted than the
Dean clan. Murder, incest, and madness,
combined with some fascinating set-pieces
and several, morbid and sickening twists,
should result in a more ghoulish tale but
the cast, as a whole, ultimately sinks it.
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