Director: George McCowan                             
Cast: Jack Palance, Carol Lynley, John Ireland

(Sung to the tune of The Shape Of Things To Come(*), by Max Frost & The Troopers, adding some extra verses and choruses.)

Here's a bad flick,
made during those bad tax-shelter days,
And it's so bad,
Can't even begin to count the ways!
Let this old flick...fade away...
Exposed right in the sun,
'Cause nothing can save The Shape Of Things To Come!

Fans of Jackie,
Won't see much of their hero
His days of filming
Weren't much higher than zero!
A paycheck...for several days...
Then go on the run,
Philosophy for The Shape Of Things To Come!

CHORUS: The plot takes place...future time...
After a robot war...
Human life's on the moon but it's sure a bore!.....

Palance plays "Omus",
A bad dictator wannabe,
His plans for ruling,
He wants the moon people to see!
A threat to...destroy he sends...
But he's still kind of dumb,
For he still remains in The Shape of Things To Come!

And that death threat,
Prompts a small and secret plan!
With a token blonde,
A cute robot, and a man!
Another...man steals a ship...
Towards Omus they fly,
Another title quote, I here won't even try!

CHORUS: Special effects...are pretty poor...
With odor of cheese....
The model work would embarrass the Japanese!

Most of the movie,
Concerns the problems on the way
There's a space storm,
After an earth trip the same day!
All these...distractions...
Do nothing for the plot,
And that explains its bad rating a lot!

Omus' planet,
Looks just the exact as when on Earth,
His robot army,
Well, they filled me with much mirth!
Never...do we see...
More than four a time,
And they walk and act like they're cousins of a lime!

CHORUS: The fortress where...Omus lives...
Seals the doom...
Because it looks exactly like a boiler room!

So that's the movie,
And I wasn't too impressed,
At the ending,
I was feeling quite depressed!
It isn't...even good...
In so-bad-it's-fun,
So stay away from The Shape Of Things -
Run away from The Shape Of Things -
Keep away from The Shape Of Things -
Nothing will change The Shape Of Things To Come!
 

(*) (c) 1968 EMI Records. Song is available on Even More Nuggets - Classics From the Psychedelic Sixties, Volume 3 by Rhino Records Inc.